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Letters from Madelyn: Chronicles of a Caregiver 2nd Edition, by Elaine K Sanchez
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Madelyn Kubin was a seventy-year-old Kansas farm wife. She appeared to be fragile because of her thinning white hair, macular degeneration, osteoporosis, congestive heart failure, and severe hearing loss. But when her husband Quentin suffered a debilitating stroke, she was forced to summon physical, emotional, and spiritual strengths she didn't know she possessed in order to care for him at home.
She managed her isolation, loneliness, and stress by going to her computer, disengaging her emotional monitor, and writing letters to her daughter Elaine. Madelyn's story of faith, courage, and love is told through her unflinchingly honest and surprisingly funny letters written in real time over the course of six-and-a-half years. She wrote unabashedly about her anger, guilt, depression, and grief. She also wrote about her frustration with Quentin's repeated requests for her to arrange a "sex date" with the girl he had taken to his high school senior prom sixty years earlier. Although she prayed every day that she would be a willing channel for God's love and compassion, there were plenty of days she felt like telling God to go find himself another servant. In spite of her physical and emotional challenges, Madelyn proved that it is possible, even in the very worst end-of-life situations, to experience mental and spiritual growth and to find joy and happiness from within.
- Sales Rank: #1472452 in Books
- Published on: 2016-05-17
- Original language: English
- Dimensions: 8.90" h x .80" w x 5.80" l, .90 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 350 pages
Review
Wow! What a woman! This is a moving story, very human, very real, very wise, very uplifting. Madelyn had a great sense of humor, but the most amazing thing was her strength and ability to grow spiritually in the face of adversity. Many people would feel sorry for themselves, but Madelyn was able to see good in the face of so much that was pretty awful. She often prayed that God would take her husband, but if not, that God would give her the strength to carry on. She focused on remembering and treasuring the good times, not seeing her husband only as he was after suffering a debilitating stroke. Her view of God is beautiful, and it says as much or more about her than it does about God. --The Very Reverend Hollinshead T. Knight
Laughing through my tears, I was reassured that even in the midst of the worst end-of-life issues there is an oportunity for deepening spiritual awareness, personal growth, and peace. Madelyn makes us believe that we, too, can rejoice in life, even to the end of our days. --Jenan Rook Brandt
I feel privileged at meeting Madelyn through her letters and envy those who knew her in person. "Letters from Madelyn" is one of the most inspiring, yet down-to-earth books I have come across in my 36 years as an academic librarian - as well as being laugh-out-loud funny! What a remarkable woman! --Charlie Weyant
From the Author
In 1993 my father, Quentin Kubin, who appeared to be as healthy and robust as any seventy-five-year-old man on the planet, experienced a debilitating stroke, and my mother, Madelyn, became his primary caregiver. Mom was suffering with macular degeneration, osteoporosis, congestive heart failure, restless leg syndrome, and severe hearing loss.
In order to cope with her isolation, loneliness, and frustration, she often went to her computer, disengaged her emotional monitor and wrote letters to me in which she described everything she was experiencing and exactly how she felt about it.
I have often compared her letters to the classic television series M*A*S*H. In each one there was something that made me laugh, something that made me cry, and something that made me believe the human spirit can survive and even rise above tragedy and loss.
In 2004 I was asked to speak at our church on Mother's Day about mother-daughter relationships. I wanted people to know who my mother had really been, so I went out to the garage and took down a cardboard moving box my husband had labeled, "Letters from Madelyn." I found one letter that I thought was particularly poignant, as well as being very, very funny. At church I read excerpts from the letter and shared a few stories. Afterward, people came up to me and exclaimed, "You have to write a book!"
I knew they were right, and I started on it the next day. When I finished the book, I couldn't find a publisher. I was told that caregiving was depressing and no one would buy a book on that topic. I felt compelled to share my mother's story, so I self-published the first edition of "Letters from Madelyn," in 2007.
It didn't take me long to realize that if I ever hoped to see my basement floor again, I would have to figure out a way to sell the books. I started speaking to service organizations, book clubs, and small caregiver support groups. Word spread, and my speaking business grew.
On the way home from a speaking engagement in 2011, the man seated next to me on the plane asked me what I did for a living. When I told him, he said, "If I was a caregiver and I went to your website at 3:00 o'clock in the morning in desperate need of help to get through the night, would I find the support I needed on your website?"
I felt like I'd been sucker-punched. I shook my head and said, "No. You wouldn't. You would find information about my book and about me as a speaker."
The next day I told my husband I wanted to created an online, video-based caregiver support program. He said, "That sounds like a lot of work!" I said, "We can do it in six months."
Four years later, my dream was realized. CaregiverHelp.com finally evolved into a resource for people like my mother who find themselves in need of information, support, encouragement, and a few laughs to get them through a difficult day or a sleepless night.
I know my mother would be amazed and humbled beyond words to know that her experiences inspired me to edit her letters in a book, create a website, and develop a new speaking career.
I know from her experience, as well as my own, that caregiving is one of the most difficult and generous acts of love any of us will ever perform on behalf of another. It is often a long and lonely road. If you are a caregiver, trust that you will get through it. When it's over and you look back on it, I am quite certain you will realize that you were smarter, kinder, stronger, and more generous than anyone could have possibly asked you to be. On reflection, you will know that it was hard, and you did the best you could; and someday you will see that even in the moments when you felt isolated, alone, and boxed in, like Madelyn, you were growing in unexpected and beautiful ways.
About the Author
Elaine K. Sanchez is an author, speaker, and co-founder of CaregiverHelp.com, a video-based caregiver support program. Her passion for helping family and professional caregivers cope with the emotional stress of caring for individuals with progressive and degenerative diseases is based on her own experience of caring for aging family members. She is the author of the unflinchingly honest and sometimes uproariously funny book, Letters from Madelyn: Chronicles of a Caregiver, as well as numerous freelance articles for a variety of print and online publications. Together with her husband, Dr. Alex Sanchez, Elaine developed the curriculum for Gero-407 Caregiving, which was taught at Western Oregon University, as well as a number of online continuing education courses for nurses, long-term care administrators and mental health professionals. Elaine delivers keynotes, breakout sessions, and trainings at conferences across the US.
Most helpful customer reviews
0 of 0 people found the following review helpful.
A Real Read
By janeo
I have been a caregiver for over 15 years, as we deal with my husband's chronic and increasing health issues. I couldn't put this book down, but after I finished, I think I should have! Madelyn's letters are such an honest insight into the heart and mind of her own caregiving situation, that I felt I was there with her, and was completely drained after finishing the book. She certainly bared her heart and soul, which is a testimony to her relationship with her daughter, Elaine Sanchez. Sometimes it is difficult for those not in a caregiving situation to understand what life is like in that role. Great read for understanding the emotions of that! I would add that there is so much more available today than 25 years ago, when Madelyn was a caregiver. Just having access to the internet and Amazon 2-day delivery alone makes a huge difference in my life, not to mention the wealth of resources available to us through the hospitals, clinics, mental health professionals, and community in general. Good read for me, but I should have taken smaller doses =)!
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful.
Wonderful
By MennaGirl
I am currently attending a gerontology class by Alex and Elaine Sanchez and this book was required reading. Its an amazing compilation of letters from Elaine's mother, Madelyn, as she served as caregiver for her husband after his stroke. Madelyn's humor and strength are endearing and I am positive her experiences are relatable to anyone who is a caregiver. I can't recommend this book enough!
0 of 0 people found the following review helpful.
Love the website for caregivers as well
By kathy hansen
So touching and very helpful guiding others through similar journeys. Love the website for caregivers as well!
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